Pet Loss and Children

Many people do not realize how traumatic and confusing death can be on a child. Although children tend to grieve for shorter periods of time, their grief is no less intense than that experienced by adults. Children also tend to come back to the subject repeatedly; so extreme patience is required when dealing with the grieving child. It is natural to want to protect our children from painful experiences. Most adults, however, are surprised to find how well most children adjust to the death of a pet if they are prepared with honest, simple explanations.

Some helpful tips for helping the grieving child include:

• Include the child in everything that is going on.
• Give the child permission to work through grief by acknowledging their pain.
• Tell the child's teacher about the pet's death.
• Encourage the child to talk freely about the pet.
• Give the child plenty of hugs and reassurance.
• Avoid using phrases like "put to sleep", or "God has taken". The child can become afraid of going to sleep, or learn to fear that God will take them, their parents or their siblings.
• Discuss death, dying and grief honestly. Explain the permanency of death.

Two and Three-Year-Olds:

Children who are two or three years old typically have no understanding of death. They often consider it a form of sleep. They should be told that their pet has died and will not return. The two or three-year-old should be reassured that the pet's failure to return is unrelated to anything the child may have said or done.

Four, Five and Six-Year-Olds:

Children in this age range have some understanding of death but in a way that relates to a continued existence. They may consider the pet to be living underground while continuing to eat, breathe and play. Alternatively, the pet may be considered asleep. A return to life may be expected if the child views death as temporary. These children often feel that any anger they had for the pet may be responsible for its death. This view should be refuted because they may also translate this belief to the death of family members in the past. Some children also see death as contagious and begin to fear that their own death (or that of others) is imminent. They should be reassured that their death is not likely. Allow the child to express feelings and concerns. Several brief discussions are generally more productive than one or two prolonged sessions.

Seven, Eight and Nine-Year-Olds:

The irreversibility of death becomes real to these children. They usually do not personalize death, thinking it cannot happen to themselves. However; some children may develop concerns about death of their parents. They may become very curious about death and its implications. Parents should be ready to respond frankly and honestly to questions that may arise.

Adolescents:

Although this age group also reacts similarly to adults, many adolescents may exhibit various forms of denial . This usually takes the form of a lack of emotional display. Consequently, these young people may be experiencing sincere grief without any outward manifestations and need an adult to initiate supportive dialog.